About Me

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Vancouver Island BC., Canada
Welcome to the place where I exercise my right to be commentator, advocate, or as some might see it, babbler. What ever your take is, this is where I can take what I have seen and try to make sense by writing it out. Take the ride or don't but I hope something here will resonate with someone out there. My take on humanity right now? We aren't getting it right, but I like to think that given a second chance, we could all get it right. If you do venture into my ramblings I hope you can stay a minute and read two of my posts. They are "Innocence Lost, A Challenge Gained" and "The Hollywood Glandslide" I am a journalism student but please don't read these with a critical eye. I have not stopped to punctuate correctly, nor have I "essayified" them. These are written when the thoughts strike me, and therefore I do not want to "pretty them up." I wanted to catch my thoughts as they came and then later on go back and read them to see if my ideas change over time. Please feel free to comment, this may have a bearing on whether or not my ideas do change. And change... if for the better, is always a step in the right direction.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

An Innocence Lost, A Challenge Gained

An Innocence lost, A Challenge Gained.

I believe we as a people, humanity as a whole that is, I believe we are to be commended for our hunger for knowledge and attaining such heights in that quest. However, I also believe in trying to satisfy that hunger we have lost an innocence that can never be found again.

We seem to equate the thirst for information with having it all, knowing it all, and showing it all.

It is a catch 22, I will grant. But we cannot forget that by knowing it all, we accept responsibility for having that knowledge. We can no longer sit back and say, well I didn't know or I didn't understand.

Too long now we have poured over the Internet, with our minds soaking up anything our brains can question. What we do with that information is the true test of being knowledgeable. It is not enough to receive the information and then pretend to have never seen it. We must act on the knowledge or it becomes but useless dribble.

We cannot go back to the days, when we were comfortable in our own little worlds. We know too much, have seen too much, and have accepted too much. We say we have come so far, but yet we still see the same indignation's to others around our world, we still see nations rising up against other nations and we say it is because of how they treat their own, and yet, look to our own streets. We still rage wars in the name of land or what is below that land. We still treat others in our own cities as if they carry the plague. Yet we call ourselves knowledgeable! We may have knowledge but we are not knowledgeable. For I believe to be knowledgeable, one must know how to put that knowledge into use. Oh, yes, there are so many of us that strive towards this path but, until it is the majority of us and not the minority, we have so far to climb. I often wish that we could regain our innocence, but in saying that I know I am actually saying, I wish I never knew, then I would not be responsible for change.

I do know, and I am responsible to change it. An innocence lost, but a challenge gained.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Do I Stay or Do I Go Go?

You know sometimes it's just hard to know whether to stay put or go for it. Even if you feel like you have some kind of back up plan, or wings that have been tested already, you just don't know if you should take the step or stay put.
I kind of feel like that right now. I really felt that going to school was the right call, getting a journalism degree would ramp my life up a bit. But then things start to get muddy, and I start to second guess. Was I happier just getting acting gigs when I could, and was I disrepecting myself by taking a wage that was offered or no wage at all?
Should I have pursued it wholeheartedly instead of getting scared that it would never amount to anything, thus neither would I?
The funny thing is, that it took until I was 35 to jump back into acting. I always felt that I had done myself a disservice by not pursuing my acting and singing. I believe fear was the supreme root of it all. Was I good enough, did I deserve to do what I loved, was I of a good enough caliber to get jobs that could support me. I don't know if I really gave it the best shot I could have.... no... I know I didn't. But then part of me says, that by giving myself a degree I have another set of wings to try out- to try to fly with.
By giving myself this opportunity, I feel like, I can then pursue two different loves and maybe succeed at one of them. I don't know this may be a cop out. I do know that if nothing else, I will be able to write my own play reviews!!!!
I was always taught that I wasn't the best, I wasn't the prettiest, that I needed to be humble before all. This wasn't my parents fault, it was just the way my Mom was brought up. Besides she read Dr. Spock (not on Star Trek) and unfortunately there is a generation of us that have low-esteem issues, and image problems, and we have the great Spock to thank for that. I am sure that he meant well, and felt he was right in what he taught. I am also fairly sure that a lot of parents went wrong by trying to use a book to parent by in the first place but none-the-less, the practice of child-rearing with the books' methadology was in fact a great part of why I am the way I am.
I realize that because I was never taught to believe in myself and my abilities, I am stuck in some certain ways. I don't have the ability to "just put myself out there" for critique, and when I recieve critizism, whether it be constuctive or not, I tend to fold up and give up.
Maybe by just acknowledging this, I am making myself accountable. By that I mean, perhaps by writing this for all the world to see, I am now responsible for changing my behavior. I can no longer sit back and let the world happen to me, and then whine about it. I know that if I can write about it, then I can change it. Maybe just maybe I have found why it is necessary for me to continue the pursuit of journalism. If I can come to terms, by writing, with who I am and realize I am a capable and talented woman and not feel guilty for acknowledging it, then maybe I can start to be successful in my acting or any career I choose to pursue.
I can also tell you that I did not start out with this end in mind. But happily, by writing my thoughts I have come to a insightful conclusion. Thank you for being part of my "working it all out!"
Have a good day all.

Peace, quiet, and no one slapping me upside the head!

Sometimes you just want a place where all is right. Where all is well and ... ALL IS NOT HITTING YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD!
On days such as these, I head to the place I know that life takes a breathe. A place where nature is the only force that I have to reckon with.
This place long ago ceased to be just a geographic spot on the map, but instead somehow became my closest friend.
This place is the ocean's edge.
I know I can go there and be comforted as a friend comforts a friend.
I know I am allowed to cry there, laugh there, scream at the top of my lungs and rant there. I can build a rock tower and pretend to be one with zen there at the edge of the water. I can write all my hopes and dreams in the sand for the heavens to see, or I can pour out my heart with sadness and rage and then stand back and watch the ocean cleanse it away. And with the water I too feel cleansed.
As a child, I would go there and find solace in the power of the waves. I some how felt that this place of immense power was a place of safety for me. To see the might with which the waves could carve stone was a sight that instilled a sense of power within the frightened, powerless child that I was. I felt that if there was a power such as this and it was created by something, anything, then there must be this hope for me.
As an adult that is still sometimes that frightened small child, I go back there and can retrieve that hope. I know that the ocean and its edge will always be there, a constant in my life of change, and I am comforted.
At times my adult brain wants to believe in the hopelessness that can come with too much information. But the child in me, reaches up and surges forth, and remembers...
I thank you my old friend. I will visit soon.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Well I tried to write to no avail. Seems I am what is affectionatley termed...blocked. Besides I spent too much time on trying to get my picture to load on the actual blog site. It's funny, I am sitting here,like a lot of people I presume, wondering just why am I writing all of this. Surely not because others are interested in my little life, but maybe there is a tendency to hope that someone reads this and cares about my little life. I truly believe that is what drives us all in the pursuit of fame and fortune. I myself have given over to my creative side. My Right brain has reared its ugly head. or should I say my ugly head has reared its right brain. Whichever it is I know that I will continue to strive towards the idea that I can oneday sustain my life by doing what I love and hopefully along the way others will love what I do. I am not sure that I will ever attain this goal but just having such a goal sustains me.
I have had so many different twists and turns in my life, and as I get more comfortable with this medium I will no doubt share them. I have always been a little too open and honest for some peoples taste but here in the land of blogging there is no one to stem the tide of my rambling. Anyways I am now sufficiently sufficed when it comes to tonights particular rambling and somehow feel the better for it. Goodnight
Posted by Picasa Well this is me, but I can't seem to get my pic on the actual blog site, only in a post. So until I get it figured out I guess i will just add my pic from time to time LOL. Saw the pic in my profile and it has morphed me into the great sliding me-ini!

Friday, September 29, 2006

Am I the only one here?

Well kids, here goes. My first post, on my first blog. Quite daunting I must say, as I feel as if I am putting myself out there for the whole world to see. Funny thing is, I may be the only one reading this!
Couple of things to tell you first, the first being that, hey why is my computer flashing the hourglass symbol?? is someone spying on my and my puter, oh yah that is one of things I should tell you. I am just a little paranoid when it comes to writing personal stuff. So I may be just a bit vauge at times, but overall I will try to give an honest open account of my life and how I view myself in it. Of course it may not matter to 99.99999% of the population but hey I want to use this as a place I can talk to myself and maybe others might listen in and find some stuff entertaining, funny, thought provoking, and hopefully others will want to tune in to, How the heck did she get herself into that!! I am not the kind of person to morally offend (usually) so if you are wanting the Holy %#*! Factor this is probably not the blog for you.
Anyways that is my opening statement and I am stickin' to it. see you soon!
ps I am hoping to include some of my pics I like to take, and also some of my journalism articles that I am writing for school.... hopefully on the latter some of you Newsies out there can give me pointers!