No Good Deed Goes Unpunished!

Wow, I never thought I would say this, but yes...NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!

I was driving my boyfriend to work when I saw this poor guy laid out on the sidewalk. Nobody seemed to care, and even though my boyfriend said the guy was moving I needed to check on him. So I pulled the car over on the side of the street, and Darren and I hopped out and ran over to the guy.

This poor man(some may not agree), but this poor man was lying on the sidewalk with his guitar clutched in his hands. He opened his eyes upon my inquiry. "Hi," I said, "are you okay."

His reply was soft and polite. "I'm fine mam, I just need to lie here okay?"

I knew we couldn't just leave him there so I asked if it was alright if we helped him to the bench.

"No thank you I am fine I just need to lie her a bit and then I will be on my way." he weakly replied.

Knowing that I had to get my boyfriend to his work on time, I tried to be a little firmer without sounding like I was condemning him. I knew that this man probably had just done a little to much of his drug of choice, and judging by his pupils I could tell it was probably heroin or a cheaper alternative. I also knew by how thin he was that he had not been eating and was therefore in jeopardy of overdose because of his frailty. His poor heart probably could not stand much more of this lifestyle.

" We are just going to help you up and get you over to the bench in this park over here okay?" I spoke a bit firmer. "We can't just leave you here on the sidewalk."

"Okay," he said with resignation. "If you could just move my guitar for me, I will get up myself."

I knew that wasn't going to be the best plan so I gave Darren the guitar and walked behind him in case of the inevitable. After being on his feet for all of 5 seconds the inevitable happened, and I was soon playing back catcher.

We got him to the bench and unfortunately by this time it was time to hurry and go.

Fortuitously as we were getting back in the car I spotted a cop car. I ran across the street where they were waiting for the light to change and told them, " I know this guy probably is just using and has done a little too much. But I am worried about how weak he is. Could you please check on him." The woman officer said yes and that was that.

After I dropped my boyfriend off I swung by the park and saw that the man had managed to get himself up and was walking down the road. Not surprisingly though as the cops were there and he knew if they took him somewhere it would mean detox. Though saddened at the outcome, I drove on my way to Tim Horton's for a soup.

Here is where my good deed starts to go sour.

After getting my soup and joking around with the people inside Timmy's I was thinking what a great day.

Then something crept into my mind. I started hearing the saying, No good deed goes unpunished, rolling around in my head.

"Curious," I thought. "Why on earth would my brain come up with that?"

"Oh, oh," my brain screamed, "this can't be a good omen."

As I was making my way over to the car, I noticed my guitar man walking down the street, and railing at the world as he walked. His arms swinging in agitation to the world, he was shouting something about his landlord, and how he couldn't be expected to pay his rent on time because he was ill and he was taking all kinds of medication including Valium. Didn't seem to come as a surprise to me.

I was so worried that this guy was now going to become violent with the teenager walking towards him, that I pulled out of Timmy's and went the opposite way that I was supposed to.

As I made the turn I saw that all was okay and the teen walked past guitar man without incident.

I hadn't realized what I had done until I saw a cop car behind me in the rear view mirror. The lights were flashing and something told me that oops, I think this is because I went the wrong way.

I pulled over promptly and when the officer got out of the car I noticed it was a woman. At first I thought oh this is the same officer that I asked to check on the man. "I wonder if she needs me to testify about something, I hope he hasn't done anything wrong." At the same time I was thinking OK no that couldn't be it, they wouldn't have let him go, I noticed it was a different woman officer.

This officer asked me, "Do you know what you did back there," I was pretty sure it had something to do with my turn, so I replied, " yes sorry, I was watching the man whom I had the officer check on, and wasn't thinking about the turn." I should have said. Nope, what did I do officer? But dang it, I can't lie. Wish I could, but I can't.

She was probably thinking, what the heck is this woman talking about... and is she drinking?

But instead of taking a breathalyzer she said, "What man are you talking about."

I explained, and she said OK just wait there. I had to giggle because what was I gonna do, make a run for it!

I really thought that when she came back she would have found out about my asking for aid from the police for this guy; however, what really happened wasn't as karma induced.

She instead said, " I' m sorry to inform you I am going to have to give you a ticket for an illegal left hand turn." I was dumbfounded and could only inquire to how much the ticket would cost. 109 dollars she replied. At this amount I was even more dumbfounded and with that amount I realized that this month was going to be a hard one. The tears started to well up so I just nodded my head and said OK thank you. OH MY GOSH, I am not sure why I said thank you but this is one time I wish I had not been so darn polite. She said it was because there had been so many complaints but you would think that after my good deed I wouldn't have been punished. Maybe a warning would have been more appropriate in this case. I could see if I had just been blatantly ignoring the sign, which I am assuming there is a sign there. You know I don't even know if there is. I need to go check that out, because if there isn't I should fight this. Being on disability is hard enough without having to pay 109 dollars for being a good citizen.

You know what? I think I am going to check into this anyways. I really feel that I do not deserve this. I feel as if I was the person who got the slap for others doing this all the time. This is the first time I have done this and it was because of a good reason. Yeah I know, just because it was for a good reason doesn't make it right. But surely it didn't warrant me having to buy less groceries this month. And I don't even have any tickets except for one years and years ago and surely they could have looked at my record and my reason and given me a slap on the wrist instead? I don't know, I just know that this still will not stop me from helping people. It just stings a lot. Thank you to those who have listened to my rant. I needed to voice it. I don't feel better, but I hope soon I will. Talk to you all soon.

As The World Turns; A slightly changed version.

Well, well, it's that time of year again, a birthday is about to assault me. Yes... a truly wonderful time to go insane!

I really have to get my humour back don't I? I told you all this was to be a place to laugh and have fun at my expense but I am just dragging you all down with my in the downward spiral.

But I believe tomorrow will be a turning point. Yes indeedy, it is gonna be the start of a new day.

Well Duh! tomorrow is a new day anyway, but seriously I am even going to buy myself a lottery ticket because I am sooo sure it will be a new era of happiness, prosperity and a turning point in my health. Ok well one out of 3 would be great. And 2 out of 3 I will definately take!

So tune in next time on... "AS THE TRULY NUTS WORLD TURNS" In the next episode we will see this overly optimistic woman buy a lottery ticket and win, get all A's at college, walk outside find her crappy car has been stolen but in it's place someone has left her an brand new Candy Apple Red Tesla, and she finds her keys don't fit her 400ft sqare apartment but they fit the 4 thousand sqare foot mansion that is on the water front. All in all it will be an exciting episode. So tune in and have your life changed too; just by watching!

See you soon!

A Spring to Remember

Spring is here, well sort of!

Today is one of those days where you want to curl up with a keyboard and blog till your heart is content because it is so ugly outside.

But on the other hand I can look out and see the daffodils blooming and all the trees with buds just ready to burst forth with a spray of green. The ornamental cherry trees are already losing their blossoms in expectation of fruit to bear.

All in all it is spring.

I love this time of year, it is a time when you smell the scent of new beginnings. A time when a rainstorm can result in a rainbow more often than not. A time when the darkness does not call as early. It is also a time when mother nature is smiling down upon the land. And babies of all shape and size are being brought into the world in fields of green, hidden dens, lush majestic forests, and all the places that an animal mother has searched for, to bear her young.

It is in the spring I wish I had some magic way of peering in on wild animals. I wish so much that I could see the miracle of birth in the wild. No obstetricians, no nurses, no screaming, no sterile smell, just the amazing sight of a mommy giving birth and then tenderly doing all she can to take care of her baby; clean her baby with her tongue, not only to clean it, but to conceal it's scent from preditors, help her baby to stand so at a moment's notice her baby can flee, teach it to nurse, and keep her baby from wandering off.

It is such a miracle to know that a mommy so loving and so caring in such a short time has to prepare her baby to be self-sufficient, because he/she has to strike out on his/her own, so soon. I often wonder and marvel at such a strong bond and then that bond has to be broken for her young's own good. Does the mommy mourn the loss of her child? Does she even think of her baby after it has left her?

I think of polarbears and how the mommy polarbear has to keep her babies (often two) free from harm. She wanders so far in search of food and shelter, and her babies keep tagging along. Then at a very young age compared to humans, she has to let them go in that vast, freezing, no man's land. Does she know her young when and if she encounters them again?

Then I think to the animals that stay with the herd or pack. Just like a human mother she has to watch her young picked on, or even killed because it didn't obey group rules, or her young's position in the heirarchy wasn't high enough. Does she come to the defence of her baby, or does intinct about pack rules govern her behaviour? So many questions. But in the end, I would just like for a moment to let go of all those questions, and just watch the first few moments of birth and the bonding between mommy and baby animal. That would be a spring to remember for me.

Sleep Writing.

Saturday, hmmm, actually Friday night 9:23 and I am bored, tired and umm just a wee bit cranky! I really don't know why but suspect it has something to do with my procrastinating about my final essays and article that I have to write. lol.
You know what? How bout we change the subject? Let's go with how to write a book...
Bah, like I know lol! Seriously though I really do want to write one and have just finished a small start to a fantasy novel. Well maybe it's a start to a fantasy short story, lol!
Either way I think I am getting the hang of naming characters, coming up with places and things for them to go to and do.
Gah... I am falling asleep at the key and have hit the g key so many times it's not funny. Fell asleep and woke up to thisGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgggggggggggggggggggg
LOL!
so I am thinking it is time to get some sleep and work on the the book/short soh[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ OH NO, yep definately time to sleep night all

Creation vs Evolution, how is either a bad thing?

I just read a CNN article in which there was a teacher, Kris Helphinstine in Sisters, Oregon, that was fired because,"he included Biblical references in material he provided to students and gave a PowerPoint presentation that made links between evolution, Nazi Germany and Planned Parenthood." according to the CNN article.

Now I am not going to debate the age old question of Creationism vs Evolution, however, I am going to respond to some of the responses from parents at the school board meeting to discuss the reasons for firing Helphinstine.

Helphinstine said that he, "did not teach the idea that God created the world. "I never taught creationism," he said. "I know what it is, and I went out of my way not to teach it."as quoted by CNN.

If in fact this is true, then all Helphinstine did was give the students information to make them think as he said in the CNN article. He didn't tell them this is the way it is. Creationism is all there is and Evolution is just bunk. No, he simply gave them a few ideas to help them formulate their own ideas and better understand the issues surrounding both ideologies. Yes many people feel that Creationism is an ideology and Evolution is a scientific fact, but just for the purpose of my blog let's give them equal playing ground ok? You will see why in a bit.

In response to Helphinstine's teaching technique many parents were outraged. I myself cannot understand how or why a parent could become this angry over a teacher simply adding a bit of material to the curriculum. The irony is Helphinstine has a Master's in Science.

Now here is the part that I find hard to imagine. One parent was quoted in the CNN article as saying, ""He took passages that had all kinds of Biblical references," Rahm said. "It prevented her from learning what she needed to learn." Another parent in the same article said ""How many minds did he pollute?"

My question is... Pollute! how on earth did someone get that bent out of shape over information given. Tell me please, when is it a bad thing to have two sides to draw upon to better understand either one of them. The thing that really gets me is (I am a parent so I feel I have a right to comment on at least this.) that parents today let their kids sit in front of the TV, or whatever electronic device they may be watching, and they are flooded with porn at 8:OO pm, violence at 9:00 pm, and then head for a round of Doom 3 before bed and the parent says "oh, hey that's just kids," or better yet, "at least my kid ain't buggin me."

OK, I know there is a lot of really good parents out there, and probably the two parents quoted on CNN are a couple of them but... my point is that kids today are inundated with crap all around them and see even worse at their own school. They deal everyday with things a child shouldn't see and most parents will say,"well they gotta see it some time, at least this way I know what she is watching." Parents will have parties for kids of 14 and 15 yrs of age, where alcohol is served saying well at least I know where she is drinking.

Yes, I am getting to my point but decided to rant for a bit. In school kids have to read things that some find offensive and vulgar, but because it is on the curriculum parents "ok" it. I know, I just went back to school, and every single short story read had "f" this and "f"that. But hey it's the curriculum right, it's "ok". Kids in school today are made to feel aware of their sexuality and are punished if someone's lifestyle isn't ok with them. All in the name of curriculum. And yet something as benign as presenting Creationism for a scientific look at two sides of an idea is called polluting a child's brain.

There did you see it? That was my point. My point is that when there is so much out there for parents to be really scared of. Things that are really polluting their brains; I cannot fathom how something like this issue could be even remotely considered "polluting."

If you ask me (and I am sure many of you are now saying "we didn't") but if you ask me I think that giving our children information that can better help them understand what they believe, or at the very least be able to formulate their own thoughts on the subject, is a good thing.

What you really need to teach them is not to be afraid of different thoughts and ideas that have nothing to do with sex, drugs and anything that might bring about their demise. And help them to see that information is the way they sort out their own thoughts and ideas. If you truly believe that your child is better off believing exactly what you believe, then you do not remember growing up yourself. Besides, science is always changing, growing learning. Don't we want our children to be the same?

Yes I believe in Evolution, but I also believe there is room for Creationism too. I raised my child with the ability to try to understand everything, but believe what she wished. She believes in both, but what I am most proud of is that she believes in herself. I raised her to not be afraid of any one persons idea. And to never discount something without learning everything about it. She personally has chosen to side more on the side of Evolution in terms of how our little world works but also has chosen to believe more in some areas of creationism, we are all here to make up our own minds.....

I agree with a lot of what she believes but we also differ. She is very much like me but she is growing into the person she should be; with her own ideas, likes, and dislikes. That is how we evolve. Does anybody see the irony of believing in Evolution, but refusing to evolve? Yes, I know we are debating fundamental evolution; actual dna changes, and skeletal and limb changes, but we also evolve in our brains. If you understand the brain at all you'll understand that each brain though similiar in shape is changing and creating new and different pathways so no two brains are alike; we are in a constant state of evolution.

And finally here is MY POINT! My daughter received A's in every class, and in every class there was no room for creationism, but I taught her to learn everything in school and around her, so then not only would she get A's (which are never a bad thing) but also be able to then make up her own mind. So tell me, was my child polluted by giving her the tools to decide what is true for her and what is not?

Now if you have learned anything here today I hope it is that you will; read my blog thoroughly, try to understand what I have said..... and embrace it..... or... PUNT IT FOR ALL IT'S WORTH! one last thought though, I made it up just now and I feel it suits this blog. A quote from me....
"I pity the man or woman who tries to argue a point not learned." c.hannah

Some days you just want to smile and have the whole world smile back.
This ain't one of those days!
Sorry but it's true. I just got back from school after handing in something cuz I missed school again today. Second week I have been sick and I have to make it to school otherwise I am in jeopardy of being exempt from my English exam.
Gah! I just want to feel human!!!! I am posting a poem I wrote, sure hope nobody likes it enough to plagerize, although I hope someone likes it enough to think about it!
It's a poem I wrote the other day cuz I was sick and tired of being sick and... well you know the rest. Yah I know kind of emotionally dramatic, but hey even happy bunny over there can't break through this blah!
ok here it is... a little depressing but hey, I'll get over it.

Poisonous Claw

Morning comes, no greetings of joyful abandon

No thoughts of walking in beautiful sunrises

The only thought that is entertained is the want for death,

or at the very least, hibernation for months till maybe just maybe,

this body could wake, feeling bearish but alive.

If only I was a bear that awakes grumpy and hungry, and when it's belly fills,

it feels alive, ready.

This thought is a good one, but alas never for me.

I instead, am condemned to awaken

with the feeling that someone shot me in the night,

with a poison quill.

Every morning it is as if

the quill is laid to rest within my flesh,

and it's poison is doing what it was made for.

Silent it crawls through my cells of blood,

making it's way through my nerve endings.

My nerves feel the poison,

they let it wrap around them like,

a voracious vine looking for sun,

each tentacle wrapped tighter, tighter,

till it is anchored in just....

the right place and the creeping stops.

This is what I wake to,

this is my life... what everyone else deems the start of a new day.

Do I want to start this new day, with it's poisonous claw?

Yes.... and I always will.

written by c.h march 19/2007

An Innocence Lost, A Challenge Gained

An Innocence lost, A Challenge Gained.

I believe we as a people, humanity as a whole that is, I believe we are to be commended for our hunger for knowledge and attaining such heights in that quest. However, I also believe in trying to satisfy that hunger we have lost an innocence that can never be found again.


We seem to equate the thirst for information with having it all, knowing it all, and showing it all.


It is a catch 22, I will grant. But we cannot forget that by knowing it all, we accept responsibility for having that knowledge. We can no longer sit back and say, well I didn't know or I didn't understand.


Too long now we have poured over the Internet, with our minds soaking up anything our brains can question. What we do with that information is the true test of being knowledgeable. It is not enough to receive the information and then pretend to have never seen it. We must act on the knowledge or it becomes but useless dribble.


We cannot go back to the days, when we were comfortable in our own little worlds. We know too much, have seen too much, and have accepted too much. We say we have come so far, but yet we still see the same indignation's to others around our world, we still see nations rising up against other nations and we say it is because of how they treat their own, and yet, look to our own streets. We still rage wars in the name of land or what is below that land. We still treat others in our own cities as if they carry the plague. Yet we call ourselves knowledgeable! We may have knowledge but we are not knowledgeable. For I believe to be knowledgeable, one must know how to put that knowledge into use. Oh, yes, there are so many of us that strive towards this path but, until it is the majority of us and not the minority, we have so far to climb. I often wish that we could regain our innocence, but in saying that I know I am actually saying, I wish I never knew, then I would not be responsible for change.


I do know, and I am responsible to change it. An innocence lost, but a challenge gained.

Do I Stay or Do I Go Go?

You know sometimes it's just hard to know whether to stay put or go for it. Even if you feel like you have some kind of back up plan, or wings that have been tested already, you just don't know if you should take the step or stay put.

I kind of feel like that right now. I really felt that going to school was the right call, getting a journalism degree would ramp my life up a bit. But then things start to get muddy, and I start to second guess. Was I happier just getting acting gigs when I could, and was I disrepecting myself by taking a wage that was offered or no wage at all?

Should I have pursued it wholeheartedly instead of getting scared that it would never amount to anything, thus neither would I?

The funny thing is, that it took until I was 35 to jump back into acting. I always felt that I had done myself a disservice by not pursuing my acting and singing. I believe fear was the supreme root of it all. Was I good enough, did I deserve to do what I loved, was I of a good enough caliber to get jobs that could support me. I don't know if I really gave it the best shot I could have.... no... I know I didn't. But then part of me says, that by giving myself a degree I have another set of wings to try out- to try to fly with.

By giving myself this opportunity, I feel like, I can then pursue two different loves and maybe succeed at one of them. I don't know this may be a cop out. I do know that if nothing else, I will be able to write my own play reviews!!!!

I was always taught that I wasn't the best, I wasn't the prettiest, that I needed to be humble before all. This wasn't my parents fault, it was just the way my Mom was brought up. Besides she read Dr. Spock (not on Star Trek) and unfortunately there is a generation of us that have low-esteem issues, and image problems, and we have the great Spock to thank for that. I am sure that he meant well, and felt he was right in what he taught. I am also fairly sure that a lot of parents went wrong by trying to use a book to parent by in the first place but none-the-less, the practice of child-rearing with the books' methadology was in fact a great part of why I am the way I am.

I realize that because I was never taught to believe in myself and my abilities, I am stuck in some certain ways. I don't have the ability to "just put myself out there" for critique, and when I recieve critizism, whether it be constuctive or not, I tend to fold up and give up.

Maybe by just acknowledging this, I am making myself accountable. By that I mean, perhaps by writing this for all the world to see, I am now responsible for changing my behavior. I can no longer sit back and let the world happen to me, and then whine about it. I know that if I can write about it, then I can change it. Maybe just maybe I have found why it is necessary for me to continue the pursuit of journalism. If I can come to terms, by writing, with who I am and realize I am a capable and talented woman and not feel guilty for acknowledging it, then maybe I can start to be successful in my acting or any career I choose to pursue.

I can also tell you that I did not start out with this end in mind. But happily, by writing my thoughts I have come to a insightful conclusion. Thank you for being part of my "working it all out!"

Have a good day all.

Peace, quiet, and no one slapping me upside the head!

Sometimes you just want a place where all is right. Where all is well and ... ALL IS NOT HITTING YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD!
On days such as these, I head to the place I know that life takes a breathe. A place where nature is the only force that I have to reckon with.
This place long ago ceased to be just a geographic spot on the map, but instead somehow became my closest friend.
This place is the ocean's edge.
I know I can go there and be comforted as a friend comforts a friend.
I know I am allowed to cry there, laugh there, scream at the top of my lungs and rant there. I can build a rock tower and pretend to be one with zen there at the edge of the water. I can write all my hopes and dreams in the sand for the heavens to see, or I can pour out my heart with sadness and rage and then stand back and watch the ocean cleanse it away. And with the water I too feel cleansed.
As a child, I would go there and find solace in the power of the waves. I some how felt that this place of immense power was a place of safety for me. To see the might with which the waves could carve stone was a sight that instilled a sense of power within the frightened, powerless child that I was. I felt that if there was a power such as this and it was created by something, anything, then there must be this hope for me.
As an adult that is still sometimes that frightened small child, I go back there and can retrieve that hope. I know that the ocean and its edge will always be there, a constant in my life of change, and I am comforted.
At times my adult brain wants to believe in the hopelessness that can come with too much information. But the child in me, reaches up and surges forth, and remembers...
I thank you my old friend. I will visit soon.

Blocked

Well I tried to write to no avail. Seems I am what is affectionatley termed...blocked. Besides I spent too much time on trying to get my picture to load on the actual blog site. It's funny, I am sitting here,like a lot of people I presume, wondering just why am I writing all of this. Surely not because others are interested in my little life, but maybe there is a tendency to hope that someone reads this and cares about my little life. I truly believe that is what drives us all in the pursuit of fame and fortune. I myself have given over to my creative side. My Right brain has reared its ugly head. or should I say my ugly head has reared its right brain. Whichever it is I know that I will continue to strive towards the idea that I can oneday sustain my life by doing what I love and hopefully along the way others will love what I do. I am not sure that I will ever attain this goal but just having such a goal sustains me.
I have had so many different twists and turns in my life, and as I get more comfortable with this medium I will no doubt share them. I have always been a little too open and honest for some peoples taste but here in the land of blogging there is no one to stem the tide of my rambling. Anyways I am now sufficiently sufficed when it comes to tonights particular rambling and somehow feel the better for it. Goodnight

Well this is me, but I can't seem to get my pic on the actual blog site, only in a post. So until I get it figured out I guess i will just add my pic from time to time LOL. Saw the pic in my profile and it has morphed me into the great sliding me-ini!

Am I the only one here?

Well kids, here goes. My first post, on my first blog. Quite daunting I must say, as I feel as if I am putting myself out there for the whole world to see. Funny thing is, I may be the only one reading this!
Couple of things to tell you first, the first being that, hey why is my computer flashing the hourglass symbol?? is someone spying on my and my puter, oh yah that is one of things I should tell you. I am just a little paranoid when it comes to writing personal stuff. So I may be just a bit vauge at times, but overall I will try to give an honest open account of my life and how I view myself in it. Of course it may not matter to 99.99999% of the population but hey I want to use this as a place I can talk to myself and maybe others might listen in and find some stuff entertaining, funny, thought provoking, and hopefully others will want to tune in to, How the heck did she get herself into that!! I am not the kind of person to morally offend (usually) so if you are wanting the Holy %#*! Factor this is probably not the blog for you.
Anyways that is my opening statement and I am stickin' to it. see you soon!
ps I am hoping to include some of my pics I like to take, and also some of my journalism articles that I am writing for school.... hopefully on the latter some of you Newsies out there can give me pointers!